Something has perplexed me for a while now and I thought I’d pose the questions to my readers.
Okay, so I don’t have many readers yet, but I figured I’d pose it to the Internet and hopefully some new readers stumble across my blog and take pity on me.
The question is about my better half. But before I ask it, let me give you a very brief description of my wife.
Simply put she is amazing. Unsurprising to anyone who knows her she has had amazing career success and holds a prominent role in the company she works for. She is well respected at work and makes vital decisions on a daily basis.
More importantly, she is an amazing mom. This isn’t just my biased perspective. The other day my own mother commented to me at how impressed she was with my wife. How she’s done a great job with raising our boys. I reminded my mom that I might have had something to do with it, which she immediately dismissed and continued to go on about how great my wife is.
Still Don’t Believe Me?
To ensure you don’t think my objectivity is impaired, allow me to give a few examples.
My Kids: Can we play with the paint?
Me: No, it’s too messy.
My Wife: Yay! Let’s get messy!
My Kids (in the dead of winter): Can you take us to a playground?
Me: No, it is way too cold out.
My Wife: Let’s get you bundled up. (Proceeds to take them to the playground and stand out in the cold for 45 minutes while they play).
When I’m in charge of dinner night:
My Kids: What’s for dinner?
Me: Ummm…how’s buttered bread sound? You can wash it down with some ketchup.
Also Me: Stands in front of the fridge for five minutes then frantically calls my wife – ‘What should I make them for dinner?’ She not only helps me figure out what to make them, but also knows exactly where everything is hidden in the fridge.
When my wife is in charge of dinner night:
My Kids: What’s for dinner?
My Wife: I have an organic free-range chicken in the oven. It is hormone free, antibiotic free and has undergone 6 months of intensive therapy to ensure it is angst free. It’ll be accompanied with locally sourced vegetables prepared to each of your liking.
Okay, so you get the point, my wife is in fact amazing.
What’s more amazing is that she allows me near the kids.
So here is my question: why is my wife a more insecure parent than me?
Despite my shortcomings as a parent, I actually happen to think I’m a pretty good dad. My wife on the other hand, despite the mountain of evidence to the contrary usually feels like she is failing as a mother.
I don’t think this is unique to her. I’ve spoken with other mothers who have echoed her perspective. Twitter is full of mother’s who use humor as an outlet for this feeling. But why is the feeling there in the first place?
Is the bar set too high for mother? Or too low for fathers? Is there some kind of poisonous societal message out there targeting mothers that I’m somehow unaware of?
I genuinely don’t understand.
I find being a parent is a hard enough job without having to deal with crippling self-doubt. So if there are any moms out there who want to help this ignorant dad out and let me know what I’m missing, I’d really appreciate your comments.
Oh, and Happy Mother’s Day!
Moms: Let me know what you think? Is this a familiar feeling? If so, why do you think it exists? If not, have you seen it in other moms or is my sample size just too small to make such a generalization?
Dads: Is there a discrepancy in how you see yourself as a parent and how your wife sees herself? Why do you think this is?